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The end of the world is nigh. Time for a bacon sandwich | Jay Rayner

After Armageddon, survivors will need the essentials of comfort food: Findus crispy pancakes and Angel Delight

With the dank, fetid winds of manmade climate change blowing our way and worries over Russian military ambitions there has been much talk of Armageddon. And I have to say, it doesn’t look like much fun. Obviously there’s the grisly business of mass death, the general collapse of civilisation and the loss of broadband services around Nuneaton. But there’s another rarely discussed but much more serious issue: once we doughty survivors have dragged ourselves from the smouldering rubble and brushed ourselves down, what exactly are we going to do for lunch? Post the apocalypse, what will be on the menu?

I was given cause to think about this by the news that 20,000 crop samples from more than 100 nations have recently been deposited in a “doomsday vault” in the Norwegian Arctic Circle. The facility, dug deep into a mountain, is designed to withstand all natural and human disasters for centuries. That’s terrific; I recognise that at some point we will have to start ploughing the fields again. But for those of us left alive, the ones who have managed to trudge our way north, it will be a hideous disappointment. We’ll force open the blast doors of the global food repository only to find what amounts to a warehouse full of muesli.

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